Girls and Violence:
Just recently in my hometown, a young girl, only seventeen, lost her life. It was not due to a wild night of parties, or driving drunk, it was an act of violence, she was stabbed to death, just minutes after existing the bus after school.
The first thing that springs to the minds of most is that this most likely was a jilted boyfriend, an act of ‘passion’ as it is often described, though honestly, I never considered the murder of a woman or man by a person that at one time claimed to love him or her, passion, but another issue for another time.
Well, this was not the act of a angry ex-love, rather the act of another teenaged girl, eighteen, that in a matter of hours became an alleged murderer.
I guess this should not come as a surprise, that the sub-culture of girl on girl violence is becoming increasingly rampant in our society. I am sure we all remember the horrific taped gang beating of the cheerleader/honor student, but when it hits this close to home, suddenly it is not just an isolated issue, it is clearly, quickly becoming a wide spread issue, that could touch each and everyone of our lives.
So what has happened to society that girls are becoming progressively more violent with each other at young ages? Is it that we are so concerned with our careers as parents we are leaving the parenting to television, movies, music, and their peers? Is it because we have taught our daughters to be to equal to their male counterparts and slowly through cultural evolution they are loosing that nurturing and empathic trait that was normally synonymous with the female gender? Make no mistake about it, I feel that any woman is equal to any man, but there are basic emotional differences between the genders, this does not mean better or worse, just in general the fact.
Girls have always fought, of course. Most of the time girls would resort to words, or the ‘shunning’ of the chosen ‘outcast’ on the occasion when it did get physical, it would usually amount to a lot of circling, name calling, lunging, hair pulling, and the ever so popular, ‘turn your head and slap at each other, in a paddle like fashion’ which has been often been used in choreographed form for situation comedy. I also realize that there has always been the extreme exception to the rule, but from what we are seeing in the last fifteen to twenty years, the extreme exception to the rule is not as extreme, it is becoming common place.
Perhaps the most well known case of girl on girl violence was back on October 1,1985 when Missy Avila went missing. Missy was a pretty, well liked sixteen year old girl, that many said was a loyal friend. Her loyalty would prove to the death of her, three girls that she considered to be friends lured her out in a wooded area, where they beat her, cut her hair, and held her under water until her body was lifeless; to ensure she would never get up again, they struggled and laid a 150 pound felled tree over her.
I remember this story, vividly, because I was just eighteen myself, and the memories of high school friendships still dramatically played through my mind. Most of us girls remember those days of being best friends one day, and bitter enemies the next, only to find yourself once again best buddies not even remembering what we first caused the rift; but never had it ever crossed my mind that murder could work its way into the equation. This again is where boys tend to be different in their friendships, they tend to remain friends easier than most girls at the same age. Perhaps it is something that is linked to that competition that we as women tend to thrust ourselves into with every other female on the planet, to be the thinnest, the prettiest, the cutest, the scholar, the adorably clueless; while the male of the species, again in general seems to ‘hang with’ those that they feel comfortable enough not to rely on such matters for self worth, rather spend their time discussing conquest of the female gender, computer geeks, or the jock.
Like with the murder of Missy, the girl that I opened this blog with was friends, at least at one time with her alleged murderer. According to local reports they began having a fall out roughly six months ago, and the day of the incident, apparently they were arguing on the bus, and continued the verbal mutual assault as they were walking towards each of their homes. Sometime in these final moments, the alleged perpetrator said something that caused the victim to turn and move towards her, just minutes later, the victim lay bleeding on the street, a single wound to her throat, the alleged perpetrator, left her there, and from what is known now, did not make an effort to summons help.
With the advent of YouTube, it seems everyone wants to be famous. Is that the new American dream, to have your fifteen minutes in the spot light. But at what cost? The girls involved with the gang like attack before mentioned, planned to post that beating on YouTube; which begs the question, did they not realize that what they were doing was a crime? A crime punishable with jail time?
Where they counting on the ‘no snitch’ rule that goes on in schools? I know it was alive and well when I was a teenager, but that dealt with some kid cutting class, or shooting spit balls or some other equally lame thing. The most serious it got at my rural school was the ‘bad kids’ that where smoking behind the bleachers, or the occasional ‘stoner’.
So what is the bottom line? Is it the lack of families being able to be families? Has keeping up with the Jones’ clouded the responsibility with keeping up with our children? Has societies ideas of a unisex culture created a backlash in regards of the emotional development of the younger generation?
Or, is it just the sad state of affairs, that have evolved our society into the belief that really nothing is OUR fault, it is because our parents were to busy, working to care; we watch slasher films, play violent video games, listen to violent music, eat junk food, and well, damn, I will not be ‘DISSED’.
What do I think? I think it is because we have lived in an apologist culture that has grown out of control. Personal responsibility is not an option, rather, the only reality is that what I do, is not the fault of a character flaw, or a lack of human decency, it is because the only real VICTIM is me, the poor misunderstood, emotionally retarded individual that has no choice but to do whatever it takes to make me feel powerful and special at the time……
Now, before I get jumped and horrified comments, I do recognize that there is true and honest mental illness, there are those that truly ‘hear voices’ or are suffering from some chemical imbalance; however, folks, it can’t be every single person that chooses, yes, chooses to enact or extract their own ‘idea’ of justice, revenge or in most cases just acts of hideous violence, to make themselves ‘feel’ better.
The girls that murdered Missy, thought she was ‘flirting’ with their ‘men’. The girls that beat down and videoed that cheerleader/honor student, ‘thought’ she was ‘talking smack’, but they planned to publish on the internet just a beating, for the world wide web to ‘enjoy’.
Heather Valdez, the young, beautiful, talented and promising young woman, who at seventeen was stabbed in the throat and left to die in the street, on June 5, 2008, in Clearlake California, was killed because she got into a shouting and pushing match with another young woman, who at eighteen brought a knife.
There is an old saying, you don’t bring a knife to a gun fight, and in this case you don’t bring a knife to a shoving and shouting match…so what was the reason?
Currently, the subtle spin is the alleged, Gabrielle Varney, was bullied and picked on…is that excuse expectable for the Columbine shooters? Is it excusable for the Virginia Tech shooter?
Of course not, but for those that would excuse Varney, but not excuse either of the others mentioned,(Varney in our system of justice is innocent until proven guilty, these comments are directly related to what has been published in local papers) the only thing missing from the scenario is body count…and I personally will not judge the value on one human life less important than the horrific numbers we saw in the other cases mentioned.
Heather Valdez will not make national media, this story was not even picked up by ‘local’ big city stations, like San Francisco, but make no mistake, though she was the ‘only’ victim in this case of violence, she like those that lost children in similar senseless acts, are not considering the newsworthiness of this horrible loss…they don’t have time, they are grieving and hoping for justice for their forever lost child.
So parents, hug your children a little tighter tonight, if you over hear, or they share the problems they have with another student, don’t shrug it off as ‘kid stuff’ because it may not just be the ‘kid stuff’ we all remember, and grimace, it may be a matter of life and death.
Blessings and Prayers to all those victims of violent crime, to the living and those passed; now, for us, we have a responsibility to reeducate our youth, that nothing, not words, boys, or being ‘dissed’ is enough to end a life, and those they loved, or destroy your own and the lives of those you love.
I will be following this case, and am hoping for justice for Heather’s family, friends, and healing for our community.
For more information about the tragic murder of Missy Aliva:
http://www.today.com/view/michelle-%E2%80%98missy%E2%80%99-avila-children-who-kill/id-402244/
http://www.amazon.com/Missys-Murder-Karen-Kingsbury/dp/0440207711
