Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Empathy lost


It has long been said to those less seasoned posters, not to give too much personal information on message boards because some people will take from those heartfelt posts and use them later to attack that poster's position on an unrelated issue.


I am a rather open person, and since as before stated, have a number of interests, have posted on many different forums and different threads on different issues, so I guess I should have not been surprised when someone grabbed a post I made on a entirely different subject, on an entirely different forum to become a twisted internet doppelganger for the soul purpose of harassing me because of my opinion on a case.


Now, aside from the fact that this person not only poked fun of my faith and my marriage, she also exploited the deaths of my inlaws, whose death is just this month only two years ago.


This got me thinking about the lost of empathy that some display while posting on topics. Is there nothing that should be avoided when in the heat of a discussion? Or is it all fair in love and war, and those emotionally injured by such antics just casualties of the attackers fighting the good fight?


I will draw a line in the sand at this point. It is my opinion, that it is far different to call names, or use what could be considered foul language at an opposing poster, than to dig into other topic threads to find 'ammo' to blast the differing posters opinion.


For example:


poster one: You are a foul, wannbe leech that enjoys keeping their nose up the ass of so and so.

poster two: You are so twisted and vile, I bet you live in a trailer and are just jealous of so and so, because you couldn't get laid without a bag over your nasty head.


While neither of the posters are being very 'debate like' I put those posts in a different class than something like the following:



poster one: Are you crazy? That is not the way it happened, you need learn reading comprehension.

poster two: I have no doubt to why your son killed himself, with a bitch like you for a mother, he would rather be dead!


Think those two scenarios are far off base? Nope, seen it time and time again; further what is worse, those on the 'side' of poster two, will defend that type of attack.


Now, you may wonder, how would poster two know about the suicide of poster ones' son?


Here is your answer, many of us have only one moniker, we have posted on support threads, or prayer threads, and when we dare venture off to a hot topic subject those that are stuck in attack mode will troll around looking for a weakness to exploit and then attack.


Which brings me to the topic of Empathy.


Since I began posting, I have seen the passing of many posters on various boards. Just recently, a poster that was a fierce adversary passed, and a thread was set up for the purpose of offering condolences to her family and friends.


I noticed many from both 'sides' offer their deepest sympathies, regardless of the 'heated' debates, the reality that a real person passed, and left behind real family and friends superseded the differences, and even those that differed with this person chose to offer comfort.


Then it came to the attention of many of us that did offer condolences that another blog site, in memorial for the same poster, used this tragic loss to attack many of the same that put the discord aside. I am not sure of the purpose, other than an excuse to mock others, but in a time of mourning, it seemed to be in poor taste, to use a death as a opening to focus on those of opposing view.


Is anything scared anymore? or have we become typing cyborgs that are so tunnel visioned, that we see the pain of those that differ from us as the proverbial 'Achilles heel' that will silence the opposition.


We have all heard the terms 'sticks and stones' and for the most part, that is the way to handle some posts when the topic grows out of control; but is there some level of human decency that can be shared that certain parts of human suffering are off limits?


Is it acceptable to use the death of a person, or the illness to attack someone that has a different view?


Is it because one cannot physically see the pain they inflict when resorting to such tactics make them able to chuckle as they type, and sleep well that night?
Should the line be drawn as a cyber community?
Yes, in my opinion, not through censorship, but through the basic ability to empathise with those sitting much like you are, anonymously at a keyboard.
It is only then that ones' inner power and peace can be found.






What does the Blog Title Mean?


I have posted on message boards now for about five years. In this time I have posted on many subjects, religion, politics, social issues, but never have I seen such hatred and venom as I have since I have become a 'regular' poster on the continuing tragic saga of the Anna Nicole Smith case.


I have seen what I at one time considered reasonable, intelligent debaters on other subjects lower themselves to nasty comments, not limited to personal attacks on the illnesses, deaths, and sorrows in the real lives of those they disagree with; sadly most of the time, only a germ of truth is offered by the attacker, twisting and spinning the rest of the story in an attempt to silence and emotionally wound those that dare have a difference of opinion.


I named my blog Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History, because one of the most pathetic attacks against me personally was the complete ignorance of this statement in my signature line on a message board I am a member.


This statement was made by a highly educated woman that believed in the rights and the equality of women:


Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, is a feminist and a professor, she is not insulting women with this comment, as one particular poster is determined to believe, rather, she is referencing those women that broke the rules to create change in a male dominated society.


For more information on this amazing woman:






Think about the women in history that brought change; many of them risked their own personal reputations, safety, and freedom to give to the future generations a world to be proud of, and it is up to us, as women to carry that work forward; to do so may mean we also have to break that mold that society pigeon holes women in; therefore the statement, and hopefully finally it will put this issue to rest.